Unspecified over Potsdam (Germany) · Germany

Potsdam (Germany) · Germany

I have found you because I was searching for alien contacts. What I am going to write to you sounds really crazy and I am completly aware that the easiest answer would be that I have some kind of psychological issue and I would do anything to change my situation for any psychological disorder, but it is not. It would be very kind of you to read everything I write - I need all the help that anybody ever needed. 22 months ago I was happily working as a teacher in primary school. I was 38 years old, I was in a good and stable relationship and without any psychological disorders. Then from one second to the other I was completly changed. The first thing I reported to my friends and doctors was that I was no longer able to sleep - I was not tired or exhausted - I was always on the same level wide awake and full of power, but I was not sleeping anymore. I was also nonstop forming sentences in my head about what humans do to sleep, how I should feel... After nine days and nights I went to a psychiatric clinic. They gave me all kinds of sleeping pills- without any results. They asked me to exhaust myself, so I ran 22 km. Afterwards I felt completly the same, not tired, not exhausted, no mussle cramps. The nurses reported that I was really always awake when they checked, but said that maybe I just had a light sleep and woke up every time somebody entered the room. That is not the case. I went into a sleeping labor and my brain scan showed that I was in deep sleep - but while I was talking to the nurse, fully aware that I was talking. Then the psychiatrists asked me how I felt about my snoring roommate, how I felt about my boyfriend not visiting to much, about my parents being away... That was when I realized that I was and still am not able to feel anymore. Of course the psychiatrists thought that I supress feelings, but there is no reason for that, I have no traumatic experience, I felt really good before the change happened. To show that I am really not able to feel, I went bungeejumping with a pulse watch and a camera- I had a pulse of 70 before, while and during the jump. I can still read feelings of people, I always know how I should feel, but I am not able to feel anymore. Before I was changed I was no fan of horror movies because I would be easily scared, now somebody could be eaten alive next to me- I am not able to feel anything. I form nonstop sentences about how humans feel, how I felt before. The next realisation came when my mother asked me to imagine something positive. I realised that I was and still am not able to visualise anything anymore. If you ask me for example to draw a lemonade, I can do that. If you ask me to close my eyes and picture one I can not do that, I can also not imagine I taste a lemonade, I can also not go with thoughts to a desert island for example. I know that I was able to do all that before I was changed, but with the change I even forgot how humans work. I just form sentences like: Humans can imagine they are on a desert island. This is how human minds work. Why can't I. I would even go so far and say that I do not have thoughts anymore. I do not have something that comes to my mind and goes or that I can put aside. I just have this nonstop forming of sentences and they are either about how humans work or about how I explain my state to humans. I went to different psychiatric clinics, got all bodily functions checked. Nothing made a different for one second. For me every second is the same, running is the same as sitting, my body is in the same state all the time. The doctors gave me all kind of medicine, you could see that it went into my blood, but you could also see that it had no effect on me. They tried to stop these reporting about humans by giving me skills like biting on chillies or having a cold shower. I bit on chillies, had a cold shower and formed sentences about how humans feel when they bite on chillies and take cold showers. It is as impossible for me to stop forming these sentences as it is for humans to fly. I took all mkind of therapies from pottery to dancing... and formed sentences that pottery has an effect on humans and that it has no effect on me. While doing pottery I was exactly like when I was lying on my bed. It was and is such a terrible (without feeling, but not without pain) situation that I formed the sentence: I stop drinking and eating, then I will dye. So I stopped drinking and eating. The doctors and the clinic did not like it but agreed under the condition that they check my blood every three days and that I would start drinking if I changed and for example got hallizunations. Nothing happened - My bloodsamples were always the same, a always had spit in my mouth. I did not drink for 11 days and nothing happened. This is reported by the clinic. Of course the doctors thought I might maybe drink unconciously - but this is not the case. In the last 22 months there has not been any evidence that I do things that I can not recall - on the contrary. It is impossible to distract me. I am always completly concentrated because I do not have thoughts with which I can go elsewhere. I know that everything I write sounds unbelievable and that psychological explanations seem to be more realistic and I am taking every pill, doing every therapie - but I know from the first second on that something unbelievable has happened to me. I have never seen an alien, no alien has ever spoken to me, I have no idea what has changed me. The things I know are that I am hold in the same state for 22 months, that nothing is able to get me out of this state, that I have no feelings, that I have no imagination anymore, that I do not have a subconciousness anymore - everything I do is a result of a full conciousness and if you ask me what I have done the last 22 months: I have formed sentences about how humans function, how they feel, how feelings work, how they sleep or sentences for humans: How I work now (just like in this email) non stop. I have no idea why and for whom I form the sentences about how humans work. They are always in German or in English. I feel not pressured to form them, because I do not feel anything. It is just impossible to not form them. I do not feel anything when I form them. It is as if I teach some other alien form of living about humans or about how humans work. It is also as if I tell them how human language works. I really have no idea if anybody in this world can help me - nobody was able to help me for one second in the last 22 months and I have spent 16 months in good clinics. Please take this serious there is something that is using me to know more about humans- and I am completly aware that this sounds like a crazy person speaking. I have no idea if anthing can help me - I am caught between life and death, neither able to have one or the other. I even took 100 sleeping pills (Promethazin- neuraxpharm 50mg)- I should be dead - I did not spit them out, I did not sleep - I just formed sentences about what should happen. I am completly aware that if you respond your answer will probably be to look for a good psychiatrist, but of course I am und psychological supervision, but it has no effect on me - they can not help me and that is even what they are saying. If you want to see how I was before I changed you can have a look at my facebook page, it really changed in a second. I really need all the help that I can get and I really think there is a danger for mankind. You can also show this mail to collegues who work on the topic of alien contact. Thank you for reading this long mail. ((name deleted))